tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84532307299873926962024-02-08T06:31:48.013-08:00Stephanie ZielStephanie Zhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03918907082777626437noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8453230729987392696.post-41485776070718268502014-12-21T11:21:00.001-08:002014-12-21T11:21:28.206-08:00The Voice Inside Your Head<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Would you be friends</span><div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">with the voice inside your head?</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"You're ugly."</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"You're stupid."</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"No one loves you,"</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">it said.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Would you be friends</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">with that voice inside your head?</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"You're fat."</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"You're gross."</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"You haven't any friends,"</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">it said</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Who is this voice</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">inside of your head?</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"It's you.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's you.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Only you,"</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">he said.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"You're perfect."</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"You're pretty."</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"I love you,"</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">he says.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"He's lying."</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"He's cheating."</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Don't believe him,"</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">it said.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Would you be friends</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">with that voice in your head?</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"No."</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"You wouldn't."</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Stop listening,"</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I said.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"You're beautiful."</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"You're talented."</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"You're worth it,"</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I said.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">This voice,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">it's a poison.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's toxic,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">my friend.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's wrong.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's stupid.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's ugly,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">my friend.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Be bold.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Be beautiful.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Be you,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">my friend.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Because you,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">only you,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">are the voice</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">in your head.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You can change</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">what it thinks.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">You can change</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">what it says.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's you.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's you.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Only you,</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">my friend.</span></div>
Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8453230729987392696.post-12469301445486989242013-11-29T12:07:00.002-08:002014-01-07T22:10:33.092-08:00The Epilogue is here!<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It's finally here! The epilogue! I struggled a bit writing this one, the emotions weren't as strong as they were when I re-wrote the ending, but hopefully you still like it!</span><br />
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It follows the same format as the alternate ending. Some of my words, some of the original author's. That being said:<br /><br /><u>I did not write 100% of this epilogue. Some paragraphs came directly out of the book.</u></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>.l disclosure:</b> I wanted to get it out to you guys ASAP since I said by Christmas and I failed on that deadline. This means I have <b>NOT</b> proof read it all the way through. Please bear with me on the typos/spelling/grammatical errors. I'll be going through and fixing those as I see them.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Hope you enjoy!</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-large;"><u>Allegiant Epilogue</u></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-large;"><u><br /></u></span></div>
<div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>TRIS</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It took two years for me to return to normal. To the
old Tris. I had to learn everything over again. Learning how to walk took me
the longest. I’m only now starting to run and jump again.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I often think back to those chaotic times. Though
there are more than a few gaps in my memory. Tobias talks about things from the
past, our first memories together. Sometimes I think he wishes we still lived
in that time. Sometimes when he talks like that though I have no idea what he’s
talking about. I know it frustrates him. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I remember enough from the past to know that we’ve
changed. I guess experiencing as much death and war as we did would change
anyone. I’d like to say we’re living happily, but the more time that passes I
realize we’re just living. Existing.<br /><br /><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">TOBIAS<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I still blame myself. I know I shouldn’t. I know she
doesn’t. But I do. Everything that happened at the bureau, almost losing her,
it was all my fault. I know I should be over this, but every day I relive those
memories. Those moments. Guilt consumes me. Maybe someday I can forgive myself.
I’ve got a lot of things to let go. I suppose it’ll just take time.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It’s funny, I thought with all the craziness and
violence gone it would be easy to live peacefully with Tris. Like I had always
dreamed. But it’s exactly the opposite. Before, with all the fighting, I had
chances to redeem myself, to make up for my mistakes. It’s hard to make
yourself feel better about something when you have no opportunities to show
yourself that you can be good. It’s not that I want the chaos back, or our
lives endangered ever again but… the grass is always greener I guess.<br /><br /><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">TOBIAS<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I’ve seen my mother only a handful of times since
the agreement we made with Marcus and Johanna. She had to leave the city. As
much as I wanted her around, after so many years apart, I knew it was best for
her to not be there while Tris and I worked through her injuries, and our
problems.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I meet Evelyn, alone, at the place where the two
worlds meet. Tire tracks are worn into the ground now, from the frequent coming
and going of people from the fringe moving in and out, or people from the
former Bureau compound commuting back and forth. Her bag rests against her leg,
in one of the wells in the earth. She lifts a hand to greet me when I’m close.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When she gets into the truck, she kisses my cheek,
and I let her. I feel a smile creep across my face, and I let it stay there. <br />
“Welcome back,” I say.<br />
The agreement, when I offered it to her more than two years ago, and when she
made it again with Johanna shortly after, was that she would leave the city.
Now, so much has changed in Chicago that I don’t see the harm in her coming
back, and neither does she. Though two years have passed, she looks younger,
her face fuller and her smile wider. The time away has done her good.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
“How are you? How’s Tris?” She says.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
“I’m… okay,” I say. “Tris is doing well, started walking not too long ago.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Evelyn puts a hand on my shoulder and looks out at
the fields. The crops that were once isolated to the areas around Amity
headquarters have spread, and continue to spread through all the grassy spaces
around the city. Sometimes I miss the desolate, empty land. But right now I
don’t mind driving through the rows and rows of corn or wheat. I see people
among the plants, checking the soil with handheld devices designed by former
Bureau scientists.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
“What’s it like, living without factions?” Evelyn asks.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
“It’s very ordinary,” I say. I smile at her. “You’ll love it.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I take Evelyn to our apartment just north of the
river. It’s on one of the lower floors, though Tris tried to get me to agree to
a top floor apartment. We were some of the first settlers in the new Chicago,
so we got to choose where we lived. Zeke, Shauna, Christina, Amar, and George
opted to live in the higher floors of the :Hancock building, Cara moved back to the apartments near Millennium
Park, but we came here because it was beautiful and because it was nowhere near
either of our old homes.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“Our neighbor is a history expert, he came from the
fringe. He calls Chicago ‘the fourth city’ – because it was destroyed by fire,
ages ago, and then again by the Purity War, and now we’re on the fourth attempt
at settlement here.” I say as I push the door to the apartment open.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Tris is inside sitting on the couch. I can feel the
tension in the room. I thought enough time has passed for them to be able to
finally get along. I cringe as Tris pushes herself to her feet and walks over
to Evelyn. She’s still a little awkward on her feet.<br /><br /><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">TRIS<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When Tobias told me that Evelyn was coming to stay
with us for a while until she gets settled in Chicago, I was worried about how
it would go. I know she means a lot to Tobias, and I know I should get over the
past. But I wasn’t sure that I could.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Looking at her standing in the doorway though, she
looks different. Changed. I walk over and shake her hand. Hugging is out of the
question. Probably forever.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
“Thank you for letting me stay with you guys for a little while. I promise I’ll
find another place soon.” Evelyn says.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
“No problem,” Tobias says. I can tell he’s nervous. I know he wants to patch
things up with her. And I know that if I don’t try to bridge the gap between
her and I, they won’t either.<br />
I manage to get a few words out, “Stay as long as you need to, family is always
welcome.” <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">They both look stunned. I want to move forward with
Tobias. I want a future with him. I want a family with him. And that includes
her. I have no family anymore. Tobias and Evelyn are all that I have.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">TOBIAS<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It’s weird sitting down for a family dinner. I’ve
never had much experience with small talk, but it’s strange just sitting in
silence.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“George says he needs some help training a police
force,” Evelyn says, finally breaking the silence, “You didn’t offer?”<br />
“No,” I say. “I told you, I’m done with guns.”<br />
“That’s right. You’re using your <i>words</i>
now,” Evelyn says, wrinkling her nose. “I don’t trust politicians you know.”<br />
“You’ll trust me, because I’m your son,” I say. “Anyways, I’m not a politician.
Not yet, anyway. Just an assistant.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I’d be a liar if I said becoming a politician didn’t
worry me. One step closer to becoming him, Marcus. Something I have been
fighting to avoid my whole life. But with Chicago the way it is now, starting
over, I think it could use me. I have Tris. I know she’ll keep me grounded.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As if she knew what I was thinking, “Do you know
where your father is?” she asks.<br />
I shrug. “Someone told me he left. I didn’t ask where he went.”<br />
She rests her chin on her hand. “There’s nothing you wanted to say to him?
Nothing at all?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
“No,” I say, fiddling with the fork, rearranging the food on my plate. “I just
wanted to leave him behind me, where he belongs.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Two years ago, when I stood across from him in the
park with the snow falling all around us, I realized that just as attacking him
in front of the Dauntless in the Merciless Mart didn’t make me feel better
about the pain he caused me, yelling at him or insulting him wouldn’t either.
There was only one option left, and it was letting go.<br /><br /><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">TRIS</span></b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Today’s the day we all let Uriah go. Hana and Zeke
said goodbye when they unplugged him, but they knew that they weren’t the only
ones who loved him like family. They agreed to let all of us say goodbye to
him. Dauntless style. But being in the condition I was in, I obviously couldn’t
join them. So they waited.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The spring air is cold but we leave the windows open
in the truck as we drive through the city. I can feel the air piercing my
lungs. We stop by the train platform near the Merciless Mart. We walk down the
platform toward the group that has already gathered. Christina stands with Zeke
and Shauna, who sits in the wheelchair with a blanket over her lap and the urn
resting on top. The urn was perfect. Jet black with an orange ring around the nexk. Dauntless style. I notice Shauna</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 17px;"> has a better wheelchair now, one without handles on the
back so she can maneuver it more easily.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“Hi,” I say, standing at Shauna’s shoulder.
Christina smiles at me, and Zeke claps me on the shoulder, “Glad to see you walking
again Tris. Ready?”<br />
I give him a shaky smile, “Ready.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“Wait!” Shauna yells, “Got something to show you,”
and she tosses the blanket aside, revealing complicated metal braces on her
legs. They go all the way up to her hips and wrap around her belly like a cage.
She smiles at us, and with a gear-grinding sound, her feet shift to the ground
in front of the chair, and in fits and starts, she stands. It’s a somber
occasion, but we all smile and cheer her on.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
“Well, look at that,” I say. “I’d forgotten how tall you are.”<br />
“Cara and her lab buddies made them for me,” she says, “Still getting the hang
of it, but they say I might be able to run someday.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The train is coming. It charges toward us on the
polished rails, then squeals as it slows to a stop in front of the platform. A
head leans out the window of the first car, where the controls are – it’s Cara,
her hair in a tight braid.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
“Get on!” She says.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Shauna sits in the chair again and pushes herself
through the doorway. Christina and Zeke follow. Tobias gets on last, helping me
into the train. The train starts again, building speed with each second, and I
hear it churning over the tracks and whistling over the rails, and I feel the
power of it rising inside me. The air whips across my face and presses my clothes
to my body, and I watch the city sprawl out in front of me, the buildings lit
by the sun.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It reminds me of all the times I had ridden the
train with Tobias. Holding onto the only person holding my world together.
Sitting still together while the world around us speeds out of control. I
shuffle over to him, and rest my head on his chest, as I had done so many times
during our train rides. He’s warm. He wraps his arms around me and kisses my
forehead, and for the first time in a long time, things felt like they did
before this whole mess. Before we lost so many loved ones, before we almost
lost each other.<br /><br /><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">TOBIAS<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I hadn’t realized how little Tris and I have touched
until she scooted over to me on the train. It felt so new, like the first time
we ever got close. The guilt, weighing me down all these years, has just
disappeared and I realize I’ll lose her again if I can’t forgive myself. I
squeeze her tight, and kiss her.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">All of us have found new places. Cara works in the
laboratories at the compound, which are now a small segment of the Department
of Agriculture that works to make agriculture more efficient, capable of
feeding more people. Matthew works in a psychiatric research somewhere in the
city – the last time I asked him, he was studying something about memory.
Christina works in an office that relocates people from the fringe who want to
move into the city. Zeke and Amar are policemen, and George trains the police
force—dauntless jobs, I call them. And I’m the assistant to one of our city’s
representatives in government. Johanna Reyes. Tris is just trying to get back
to who she used to be, before she moves forward any more.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I stand up and grasp the handles of the train car
and lean out of it as it turns, almost dangling over the street two stories
below me. I feel a thrill in my stomach, the fear-thrill the true Dauntless
love.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I overhear Tris and Christina talking. “How is it
having Evelyn living with you?” Christina asks. I try to make it seem that I am
not listening.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
“It’s fine. It’s not ideal, but she and Tobias are all that I have now. It’s
time to move on.” Tris replies.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Tris can still surprise me. You think you know
everything about someone, and then they do something like this. I never seem to
give her enough credit for her character. It makes me hopeful for myself. Being
with her will make me a better person.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“You going to zip-line? Or are you going to be a
pansycake and back out?” Christina jabs at me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
“Yes. I’m going. I know Tris wants me to try it at least once, and I want to
say goodbye to Uriah the right way.” I say.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br />
“Good.”<br /><br /><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Cara guides the train to a stop, and I hope onto the
platform. At the top of the stairs Shauna gets out of the chair and works her
way down the steps with the braces, one at a time. I carry her empty chair
after her, which is heavy, but not impossible to manage.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It’s random, but Peter enters my thoughts. After he
emerged from the memory serum haze, some of the sharper, harsher aspects of his
personality returned, though not all of them. I don’t hate him anymore, but that
doesn’t mean I have to like him. I heard he’s in Milwaukee. But that’s all we
know.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">There are still GD rebels in the fringe who believe
another war is the only way to get the change we want. I fall more on the side
that wants to work for change without violence. I’ve had enough violence to
last me a lifetime, and I bear it still. Tris does also. We just want to move
on.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We walk the streets to the zip line. The factions
are gone, but this part of the city has more Dauntless than any other,
recognizable still by their pierced faces and tattooed skin, though no longer
by the colors they wear, which are sometimes garish. Some wander the sidewalks
with us, but most are at work—everyone in Chicago is required to work if they
are able.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Ahead of me I see the Hancock building bending into
the sky, its base wider than its top. The black girders chase one another up to
the roof, crossing, tightening, and expanding. I haven’t been this close in a
long time.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Tris, who had been walking behind me with Christina
so far, as if sensing my uneasiness, ran up and squeezed my hand. <br /><br /><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">TRIS<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We enter the lobby, with its gleaming, polished
floors and its walls smeared with bright dauntless graffiti. A place that holds
a very special memory. One that hasn’t been forgotten.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My first trip zip-lining.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Uriah was the first person to invite me here. I’ve
been so busy trying to walk again I hadn’t realized the hole he left in me when
he died. Uriah is gone. The thought feels like a kick in the stomach from Peter
our first time fighting. He came to me when I was lost, and took me under his
wing. Took me to a place that allowed me to bond with other Dauntless, and
create a memory I’ll think back to forever. It’s one of my favorites. Zipping
down the line, my screams getting lost in the whips of the wind. My face cold
but beaming with life.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I had been so busy lost in my own memory that I
didn’t even realize everyone else had stopped too. All as if doing the exact
same thing I was doing. Whether they were thinking of Uriah, or their first time
zip-lining, or both, they were all frozen in time. Even Tobias. Though I
suspect that is out of fear and awe. He wasn’t so thrilled about this send off,
but he figured he had to do it. For Uriah.<br /><br /><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">TOBIAS<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Zeke jabs the elevator button with his index finger.
We pile in, and Cara presses 99.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I close my eyes as the elevator surges upward. I can
almost see the space opening up beneath my feet, a shaft of darkness, and only
a foot of solid ground between me and the sinking, dropping, plummeting
nothingness. The elevator shudders as it stops, and I cling to the wall to
steady myself. Tris wraps her frail arm around my waist. I never noticed how
much muscle she lost from all this. I feel a twinge of guilt creeping in, but I
brush it off. Now is not the time.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Zeke touches my shoulder. “Don’t worry, man. We did
this all the time, remember?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I nod. The air rushes through the gap in the
ceiling, and above me is the sky, bright blue. I shuffle with the others toward
the ladder, too numb with fear to make my feet move any faster.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I find the ladder with my fingertips and focus on
one rung at a time. Above me, Tris maneuvers awkwardly up the ladder. I feel
like I should offer help or something, but I’m too paralyzed to be any use to
anyone.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I asked Tori once, while I was getting the symbols
tattooed on my back, if she thought we were the last people left in the world. <i>Maybe</i>, was all she said. I don’t think
she liked to think about it. But up here, on the roof, it is possible to
believe that we are the last people left anywhere.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I stare at the buildings along the marsh front, and
my chest tightens, squeezes, like it’s about to collapse into itself.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Zeke runs across the roof to the zip-line and
attaches one of the man-sized lings to the steel cable. He locks it so it won’t
slide down, and looks at the group of us expectantly.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“Christina,” he says. “It’s all you.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Christina stands near the sling, tapping her chin
with her finger.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“What do you think? Face-up or backward?”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I feel nauseous at that suggestion. I hope those
aren’t my only two options.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Christina gets in the sling feet-first, belly down,
so she’ll watch the building get smaller as she travels. I shudder.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I can’t watch. I grab for Tris’ hand and I close my
eyes as Christina travels farther and farther away, even as Shauna and Cara do
the same thing. I can hear their cries of joy, like birdcalls, on the wind.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“Your turn, Tris,” says Zeke. I absolutely cannot
watch this. If I couldn’t even handle watching Christina or Shauna, there’s no
way I can handle this.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">As Tris is about to step forward I can’t help
myself. I step forward.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“I’ll go next,” I say shakily.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“Alright, Four!” He says as he claps me on the back.
I may have unintentionally impressed Tris. I did it because I’m selfish and
couldn’t watch her go, and she thinks it’s because I’m brave. I don’t think she
needs to know that though.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I cross my arms and inch closer to the edge of the
roof. Even though I’m several feet away, I feel my body pitching over the edge,
and I shake my head again and again.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“Hey.” Tris touches my shoulder. “This isn’t about
you, remember? This is about him. Doing something he loved.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">She’s right. Of course. I can’t avoid this. I can’t
back out now. I climb in feet first, as Tris had advised me to do on the way
here.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I climb into the sling, my hands shaking so much I
can barely grip the sides. Zeke tightens the straps across my back and legs. I
stare down at Lake Shore Drive, swallowing bile, and start to slide.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Suddenly I want to take it back, but it’s too late,
I am already diving toward the ground. I’m screaming so loud I want to cover my
own ears. I feel like the scream living inside me, filling my chest, throat,
and head.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The wind stings my eyes but I force them open, and
in my moment of blind panic I understand why Tris went this way, face-first—it
was because it made her feel like she was flying, like she was a bird.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">The ground is only a few feet below me when I
finally stop, close enough to jump down. The others have gathered there in a
circle, their arms clasped to form a net of bone and muscle to catch me in. I
press my face into the sling and laugh.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I undo the straps holding me in. I drop into my
friends’ arms like a stone. They catch me, their bones pinching at my back and
legs, and lower me to the ground. It’s just Tris and Zeke left.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">TRIS<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“Ready?” Zeke says to me, even though he knows the
answer is always yes.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“Absolutely.” I reply.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I climb in feet first, as I did the first time. I
thought about trying something different, but not yet. Maybe next time. But
this is the way I went down with Uriah, and it was amazing.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We decided to have Zeke go down last. That way he
could have some time alone, on top of the Hancock, with his brother. Their
final goodbye. It felt wrong to have anyone else there. He pats my head as he
tightens up the straps.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">“I know you cared a lot about him too.” He says to
me, tears beginning to form.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It was one of those situations that I don’t think
really needs a reply. I smile somberly crosses my face, and then I’m gone. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It’s just as I remember it. Flying through the air
like the birds on my collarbone. This moment could last forever. I feel so
light and free. It’s exactly like the first time. Which is what I hoped. I
wanted to badly to relive an experience from my once forgotten past, and now I
am. For once I feel like me. Like the old Tris.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">TRIS<o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I fall. And suddenly it’s like the first day I
joined Dauntless. Dropping into the pit onto the hard net. Painful but
exhilarating at the same time <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">But that’s not really why. It’s the stron</span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">g hands
that help me to my feet, and the blue eyes that I stare into that bring me back
to the very beginning.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
</div>
Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com52tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8453230729987392696.post-48167934207749737902013-11-01T10:20:00.001-07:002014-03-11T12:47:44.059-07:00Allegiant Alternate Ending<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"><u>My alternate ending for Allegiant, the third book in Veronica Roth's Divergent series.</u></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>A lot of chapters I kept word for word for continuity reasons. I altered some details slightly, and added 8 new chapters. However, I want to say again, that not every chapter was written by me. I kept some of VR's chapters! Please don't accuse me of plagiarism :)</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><br /></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">CHAPTER
FORTY-NINE –TRIS <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">The death serum smells like smoke and spice, and my
lungs reject it with the first breath I take. I cough and splutter, and I am
swallowed by darkness.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> I
crumple to my knees. My body feels like someone has replaced my blood with
molasses, and my bones with lead. And invisible thread tugs me toward sleep,
but I want to be awake. It is important that I want to be awake. I imagine that
wanting, that desire, burning in my chest like a flame.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> The
thread tugs harder, and I stoke the flame with names. Tobias. Caleb. Christina.
Matthew. Cara. Zeke. Uriah.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> But I
can’t bear up under the serum’s weight. My body falls to the side, and my
wounded arm presses to the cold ground. I am drifting…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> <i>It
would be nice to float away, </i>a voice in my head says. <i>To see where I
will go…<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> </span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">But the fire, the
fire.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> The
desire to live.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> I am
not done yet, I am not.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> I
feel like I am digging through my own mind. It is difficult to remember why I
came here and why I care about unburdening myself from this beautiful weight.
But then my scratching hands find it. The memory of my mother’s face, and the
strange angles of her limbs on the pavement, and the blood seeping from my
father’s body.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> <i>But
they are dead,</i> the voice says. <i>You could join them.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> They
died for me, </span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">I answer. And now I have something to do, in return. I
have to stop other people from losing everything, I have to save the city and
the people my mother and father loved.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> If I
go to join my parents, I want to carry with me a good <i>reason</i>, not this
-- this senseless collapsing at the threshold.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> The
fire, the fire. It rages within, a campfire and then an inferno, and my body is
its fuel. I feel it racing through me, eating away at the weight. There is
nothing that can kill me know; I am powerful and invincible and eternal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> I
feel the serum clinging to my skin like oil, but the darkness recedes. I slap a
heavy hand over the floor and push myself up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> Bent
at the waist, I shove my shoulder into the double doors, and the squeak across
the floor as their seal breaks. I breathe clean air and stand up straighter. I
am there, I am <i>there.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> </span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">But I am not
alone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Don’t
move,” David says, raising his gun. “Hello, Tris.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">CHAPTER FIFTY –TRIS
<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">“How did you inoculate yourself against the death
serum?” he asks me. He’s still sitting in his wheelchair, but you don’t need to
be able to walk to fire a gun.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> I
blink at him, still dazed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “I
didn’t,” I say.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Don’t
be stupid,” David says. “You can’t survive the death serum without an
inoculation, and I’m the only person in the compound who possesses that
substance.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> I
just stare at him, not sure what to say. I didn’t inoculate myself. The fact
that I’m still standing upright is impossible. There’s nothing more to add.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “I
suppose it no longer matters,” he says. “We’re here now.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “What
are you doing here?” I mumble. My lips feel awkwardly large, hard to talk
around. I still feel that oily heaviness on my skin, like death is clinging to
me even though I have defeated it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> I am
dimly aware that I left my own gun in the hallway behind me, sure I wouldn’t
need it if I made it this far.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “I
knew something was going on,” David says. “You’ve been running around with
genetically damaged people all week, Tris, did you think I wouldn’t notice?” He
shakes his head. “And then your friend Cara tried to manipulate the lights, but
she very wisely knocked herself out before she could tell us anything. So I
came here, just in case. I’m sad to say I’m not surprised to see you.”<br />
“You came here alone?” I say.
“Not very smart are you?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> His
bright eyes squint a little. “Well, you see, I have death serum resistance and
a weapon, and you have no way to fight me. There’s no way you can steal four
virus devices while I have you at gunpoint. I’m afraid you’ve come all this way
for no reason, and it will be at the expense of your life. The death serum may
not have killed you, but I am going to. I’m sure you understand -- officially
we don’t allow capital punishment, but I can’t have you surviving this.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> He
thinks I’m here to steal the weapons that will reset the experiments, not
deploy one of them. Of course he does.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> I try
to guard my expression, though I’m sure it’s still slack. I sweep my eyes
across the room, searching for the device that will release the memory serum
virus. I was there when Matthew described it to Caleb in painstaking detail
earlier: a black box with a silver keypad, marked with a strip of blue tape
with a model number written on it. It is one of the only items on the counter
along the left wall, just a few feet away from me. But I can’t move, or else
he’ll kill me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> I’ll
have to wait for the right moment, and
do it fast.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “I
know what you did,” I say. I start to back up, hoping that the accusation will
distract him. “I know you designed the attack simulation. I know you’re
responsible for my parents’ deaths -- for my <i>mother’s </i>death. I know.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “I am
not responsible for her death!” David says, the words bursting from him, too
loud and too sudden. “I <i>told</i> her what was coming just before the attack
began, so she had enough time to escort her loved ones to a safe house. If she
had stayed put, she would have lived. But she was a foolish woman who didn’t
understand making sacrifices for the greater good, and it <i>killed</i> her!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> I
frown at him. There’s something about his reaction -- about the glassiness of
his eyes -- something that he mumbled when Nita shot him with the fear serum --
something about <i>her</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Did
you love her?” I say. “All those years she was sending you correspondence… the
reason you never wanted her to stay there… the reason you told her you couldn’t
read her updates anymore, after she married my father…”<br />
David sits still, like a
statue, like a man of stone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “I
did,” he says. “But that time is past.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> That
must be why he welcomed me into his circle of trust, why he gave me so many
opportunities. Because I am a piece of her, wearing her hair and speaking with
her voice. Because he has spent his life grasping at her and coming up with
nothing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> I
hear footsteps in the hallway outside. The soldiers are coming. Good -- I need
them to. I need them to exposed to the
airborne serum, to pass it on to the rest of the compound. I hope they wait
until the air is clear of death serum.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “My
mother wasn’t a fool,” I say. “She just understood something you didn’t. That
it’s not sacrifice if it’s someone <i>else’s</i> life you’re giving away, it’s
just evil.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> I
back up another step and say, “She taught me all about real sacrifice. That it
should be done from love, not misplaced disgust for another person’s genetics.
That it should be done from necessity, not without exhausting all other
options. That it should be done for people who need your strength because they
don’t have enough of their own. That’s why I need to stop you from
‘sacrificing’ all those people and their memories. Why I need to rid the world
of you once and for all.”<br />
I shake my head.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “I
didn’t come here to steal anything David.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">I twist and lunge toward the device. The gun goes off.
Then again. But this time it sounds different. Pain pulses through my body. I
hear Caleb’s voice repeating the code, as if standing behind me helping me,
encouraging me. My vision is starting to blacken. It will not end here. I won’t
let it. I hear Caleb’s voice again as I finish typing in the code. <i>The green
button.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">So much pain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">But how when my body feels so numb?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">I start to fall and slam my hand onto the keypad on my
way down.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">A light turns on behind the green button. I hear a
beep, and a churning sound.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">I slide to the
floor. I feel something warm dripping down my forehead onto my cheek. I raise a
shaky hand and touch it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">Red. Blood is a
strange color. Dark.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">From the corner of my eye, I see David slumped over in
his chair, a bullet in his shoulder. It doesn’t make sense. But then again,
nothing does anymore.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">I feel a hand interlock with mine. I must be dying.
Death has come to guide me to my fate. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">I
am done here.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">It’s when I feel a squeeze that I open my eyes to see
Caleb, lying next to me, gun in hand.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">He had come back for me. But not from guilt. The look
in his eyes tells of a different reason.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">Love.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">As we both drift off into the unknown, I whisper, “I
love you” just before he is gone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">Caleb is dead. He came back to help me. He couldn’t
let his sister die for him, for his guilt. He may have chosen Eurdite, helped
Jeanine, and delivered me to my own execution, but the last little part of him
that was Abnegation told him that running away wasn’t the right thing to do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">Fighting side by side with me, he died like my
parents. For me. For something bigger than all of us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">Everyone in my family is dead, but they did not die
for nothing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">And I won’t have either.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">The threads of the serum that tugged me earlier tug
again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">This time I do not resist. I go with them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">I am done here.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
–TOBIAS <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">Evelyn brushes the tears from her eyes with her thumb.
We stand by the windows, shoulder to shoulder, watching the snow swirl past.
Some of the flakes gather on the windowsill outside, piling at the corners.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> The
feeling as returned to my hands. As I stare out at the world, dusted in white,
I feel like everything has begun again, and it will be better this time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “I
think I can get in touch with Marcus over the radio to negotiate a peace
agreement,” Evelyn says. “He’ll be listening in; he’d be stupid not to.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Before
you do that, I made a promise I have to keep,” I say. I touch Evelyn’s
shoulder. I expected to see strain at the edges of her smile, but I don’t.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">I feel a twinge of guilt. I didn’t come here to ask
her to lay down arms for me, to trade in everything she’s worked for just to
get me back. But then again, I didn’t come here to give her any choice at all.
I guess Tris was right—when you have to choose between two bad options, you
pick the one that saves the people you love. I wouldn’t have been saving Evelyn
by giving her that serum. I would have been destroying her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">Peter sits with his back to the wall in the hallway.
He looks up at me when I lean over him, his dark hair stuck to his forehead
from the melted snow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Did
you reset her?” he says.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “No,”
I say.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Didn’t
think you would have the nerve.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “It’s
not about nerve. You know what? Whatever.” I shake my head and hold up the vial
of memory serum. “Are you still set on this?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> He
nods.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “You
could just do the work, you know,” I say. “You could make better decisions,
make a better life.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Yeah
I could,” he says. “But I won’t. We both know that.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> I do
know that. I know change is difficult, and comes slowly, and that it is the
work of many days strung together in a long line until the origin of them is
forgotten. He is afraid that he will not be able to put in that work, that he
will squander those days, and that they will leave him worse off than he is
now. And I understand that feeling—I understand being afraid of yourself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> So I
have him sit on one of the couches, and I ask him what he wants me to tell him
about himself, after his memories disappear like smoke. He just shakes his
head. Nothing. He wants to retain nothing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> Peter
takes the vial with a shaking hand and twists off the cap. The liquid trembles
inside it, almost spilling over the lip. He holds it under his nose to smell
it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “How
much should I drink?” he says, and I think I hear his teeth chattering.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “I
don’t think it makes a difference,” I say.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Okay.
Well… here goes.” He lifts the vial up to the light like he is toasting me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> When
he touches it to his mouth I say, “Be brave.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> Then
he swallows.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> And I
watch Peter disappear.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">The air outside tastes like ice.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Hey!
Peter!” I shout, my breaths turning to vapor.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> Peter
stands by the doorway to the Eurdite headquarters, looking clueless. AT the
sound of his name—which I have told him at least ten times since he drank the
serum—he raises his eyebrows pointing to his chest. Matthew told us people
would be disoriented for a while after drinking the memory serum, but I didn’t
think “disoriented” meant “stupid” until now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> I
sigh. “Yes, that’s you! For the eleventh time! Come on, let’s go.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> I
thought that when I looked at him after he drank the serum, I would still see the
initiate who shoved a butter knife into Edward’s eye, and the boy who tried to
kill my girlfriend, and all the other things he has done, stretching backward
for as long as I’ve known him. But it’s easier than I thought to see that he
has no idea who he is anymore. His eyes still have that wide, innocent look,
but this time, I believe it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> Evelyn
and I walk side by side, with Peter trotting behind us. The snow has stopped
falling now, but enough has collected on the ground that it squeaks under my
shoes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> We
walk to Millennium Park, where the mammoth bean sculpture reflects the
moonlight, and then down a set of stairs. As we descend, Evelyn wraps her hand
around my elbow to keep her balance, and we exchange a look. I wonder if she is
as nervous as I am to see my father again. I wonder if she is nervous every
time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> At
the bottom of the steps is a pavilion with two glass blocks, each one at least
three times as tall as I am, at either end. This is where we told Marcus and
Johanna we would meet them—both parties armed, to be realistic but even.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> They
are already there. Johanna isn’t holding a gun, but Marcus is, and he has it
trained on Evelyn. I point the gun Evelyn gave me at him just to be safe. I
notice the planes of his skull, showing through his shaved hair, and the jagged
path his crooked nose carves down his face.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Tobias!”
Johanna says. She wears a coat in Amity red, dusted with snowflakes. “What are
you doing here?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Trying
to keep you all from killing each other,” I say. “I’m surprised you’re carrying
a gun.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> I nod
to the bulge in her coat pocket, the unmistakable contours of a weapon.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Sometimes
you have to take difficult measures to ensure peace,” Johanna says. “I believe
you agree with that, as a principle.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “We’re
not here to chat, Marcus says, looking at Evelyn. “You said you wanted to talk
about a treaty.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> The
past few weeks have taken something from him. I can see it in the turned-down
corners of his mouth, in the purple skin under his eyes. I see my own eyes set
into his skull, and think of my reflection in the fear landscape, how terrified
I was, watching his skin spread over mine like a rash. I still am nervous that
I will become him, even now. Standing at odds with him with my mother at my
side, like I always dreamed I would when I was a child.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> But I
don’t think I’m still that afraid.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Yes,”
Evelyn says. “I have some terms for us both to agree to. I think you will find
them fair. If you agree to them, I will step down and surrender whatever
weapons I have that my people are not using for personal protection. I will
leave the city and not return.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> Marcus
laughs. I’m not sure if it’s a mocking laugh or a disbelieving one. He’s
equally capable of either sentiment, an arrogant and deeply suspicious man.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Let
her finish,” Johanna says quietly, tucking her hands into her sleeves.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “In
return,” Evelyn says, “you will not attack or try to seize control of the city.
You will allow those people who wish to leave and seek a new life elsewhere to
do so. You will allow those who choose to stay to <i>vote</i> on new leaders and a new social system. And most importantly, <i>you</i>, Marcus, will not be eligible to
lead them.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> It is
the only purely selfish term of the peace agreement. She told me she couldn’t
stand the thought of Marcus duping more people into following him, and I didn’t
argue with her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> Johanna
raises her eyebrows. I notice that she has pulled her hair back on both sides,
to reveal the scar in its entirety. She looks better that way—stronger, when
she is not hiding behind a curtain of hair, hiding who she is.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “No
deal,” Marcus says. “I am the leader of these people.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Marcus,”
Johanna says.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> He
ignores her. “<i>You</i> don’t get to decide
whether I lead them or not because you have a grudge against me Evelyn.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Excuse
me,” Johanna says loudly. “Marcus, what she is offering is too good to be
true—we get everything we want without all the violence! How can you possibly
say no?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Because
I am the rightful leader of these people!” Marcus says. “I am the leader of the
Allegiant! I—“<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “No
you are not,” Johanna says calmly. “<i>I</i>
am the leader of the Allegiant. And you are going to agree to this treaty, or I
am going to tell them that you had a chance to end this conflict without
bloodshed if you sacrificed your pride and you said no.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> Marcus’s
passive mask is gone, revealing the malicious face beneath it. But even he
can’t argue with Johanna, whose perfect calm and perfect threat have mastered
him. He shakes his head but doesn’t argue again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “I
agree to your terms,” Johanna says, and she holds out her hand, her footsteps
squeaking in the snow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> Evelyn
removes her glove fingertip by fingertip, reaches across the gap, and shakes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “In
the morning we should gather everyone together and tell them the new plan,”
Johanna says. “Can you guarantee a sage gathering?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “I’ll
do my best,” Evelyn says.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> I
check my watch. An hour has passed since Amar and Christina separated from us
near the Hancock building, which means he probably knows that the serum virus
didn’t work. Or maybe he doesn’t. Either way, I have to do what I came here to
do—I have to find Zeke and his mother and tell them what happened to Uriah.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “I
should go,” I say to Evelyn. “I have something else to take care of. But I’ll
pick you up from the city limits tomorrow afternoon?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Sounds
good,” Evelyn says, and he rubs my arm briskly with a gloved hand, like she
used to when I came in from the cold as a child.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “You
won’t be back, I assume?” Johanna says to me. “You’ve found a life for yourself
on the outside?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “I
have,” I say. “Good luck in here. The people outside—they’re going to try to
shut the city down. You should be ready for them.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> Johanna
smiles. “I’m sure we can negotiate with them.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> She
offers me her hand, and I shake it. I feel Marcus’s eyes on me like an
oppressive weight threatening to crush me. I force myself to look at him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Good
bye,” I say to him, and I meant it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;">Hana, Zeke’s mother, has small feet that don’t touch
the ground when she sits in the easy chair in their living room. She is wearing
a ragged black bathrobe and slippers, but the air she has, with her hands
folded in her lap and her eyebrows raised, is so dignified that I feel like I
am standing in front of a world leader. I glance at Zeke, who is rubbing his
fists to wake up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> Amar
and Christina found them, not among the other revolutionaries near the Hancock
building, but in the family apartment in the Pire, above the Dauntless
headquarters. I only found them because Christina thought to leave Peter and me
a note with their location on the useless truck. Peter is waiting in the new
van Evelyn found for us to drive to the Bureau.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “I’m
sorry, I say. “I don’t know where to start.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “You
might begin with the worst,” Hana says. “Like what exactly happened to my son.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “He
was seriously injured during an attack,” I say. “There was an explosion, and he
was very close to it.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Oh
God,” Zeke says, and he rocks back and forth like his body wants to be a child
again, soothed by motion.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> But
Hana just bends her head, hiding her face from me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> Their
living room smells like garlic and onion, maybe remnants from that night’s
dinner. I lean my shoulder into the white wall by the doorway. Hanging
crookedly next to me is a picture of the family—Zeke as a toddler, Uriah as a
baby, balancing on his mother’s lap. Their father’s face is pierced in several
places, nose, ear and lip, but his wide, bright, smile and dark complexion are
more familiar to me, because he passed them both to his sons.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “He
has been in a coma since then,” I say. “And…”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “And
he isn’t going to wake up,” Hana says, her voice strained. “That is what you
came to tell us right?”<i><o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Yes,”
I say. “I came to collect you so that you can make a decision on his behalf.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “A
decision?” Zeke says. “You mean, to <i>unplug</i>
him or not?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Zeke,”
Hana says, and she shakes her head. He sinks back into the couch. The cushions
seem to wrap around him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Of
course we don’t want to keep him alive that way,” Hana says. “He would want to
move on. But we would like to go see him,”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> I
nod. “Of course. But there’s something else I should say. The attack… it was a
kind of uprising that involved some of the people from the place where we were
staying. And I participated in it.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> I
stare at the crack in the floorboards right in front of me, at the dust that
has gathered over time, and wait for a reaction, any reaction. What greets me
is only silence.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “I
didn’t do what you asked me,” I say to Zeke. “I didn’t watch out for him the
way I should have. And I’m sorry.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> I
chance a look at him, and he is just sitting still, staring at the empty vase
on the coffee table. It is painted with faded pink roses.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “I
think we need some time with this,” Hana says. She clears her throat, but it
doesn’t help her tremulous voice.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “I
wish I could give it to you,” I say. “But we’re going back to the compound very
soon, and you have to come with us.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “All
right,” Hana says. “If you can wait outside, we will be there in five minutes.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> The
ride back to the compound is slow and dark. I watch the moon disappear and
reappear behind the clouds as we bump over the ground. When we reach the other
limits of the city. It begins to snow again, large, light flakes that swirl in
front of the head lights. I wonder if Tris is watching it sweep across the
pavement and gather in piles by the airplanes. I wonder if she is living in a
better world than the one I left, among people who no longer remember what it
is to have pure genes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> Christina
leans forward to whisper into my ear, “So you did it? It worked?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> I
nod. In the rearview mirror I see her touch her face with both hands, grinning
into her palms. I know how she feels: safe. We are all safe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Did
you inoculate your family?” I say.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Yep.
We found them with the Allegiant, in the Hancock building,” she says. “But the
time for the reset has passed -- it looks like Tris and Caleb stopped it.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> Hana
and Zeke murmur to each other on the way there, marveling at the strange, dark
world we move through. Amar gives the basic explanation as we go, looking back
at them instead of the road far too often for my comfort. I try to ignore my
surges of panic as he almost veers into streetlights or road barriers, and
focus instead on the snow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> I
have always hated the emptiness that winter brings, the blanket landscape and
the stark difference between sky and ground, the way it transforms trees into
skeletons and the city into a wasteland. Maybe this winter I can be persuaded
otherwise.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> We
drive past the fences and stop by the front doors, which are no longer manned
by guards. We get out, and Zeke seizes his mother’s hand to steady her as she
shuffles through the snow. As we walk into the compound, I know for a fact that
Caleb succeeded, because there is no one in sight. That can only mean that they
have been reset, their memories forever altered.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Where
is everyone?” Amar says.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> We
walk through the abandoned security checkpoint without stopping. On the other
side, I see Cara. The side of her face is badly bruised, and there’s a bandage
on her head. But that’s not what concerns me. What concerns me is the troubled
look on her face.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “What
is it?” I say.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> Cara
shakes her head.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Where’s
Tris?” I say.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “I’m
sorry, Tobias.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Sorry
about what?” Christina says roughly. “Tell us what <i>happened</i>!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> “Tris
went into the Weapons Lab instead of Caleb,” Cara says. “She survived the death
serum, and set off the memory serum, but she was shot… in the head. She’s
alive… but it doesn’t look good. I’m so sorry.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-font-kerning: 14.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Most of
the time I can tell when people are lying, and this must be a lie, because Tris
is fine. Her eyes bright and cheeks flushed and her small body fully of power,
and strength, standing in a shaft of light in the atrium. Tris is fine, she
wouldn’t leave me here alone, and she wouldn’t go into the Weapons Lab instead
of Caleb.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> I take off running to the hospital
wing where she remains fighting.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> As I’m running I realize: of course
Tris would go to the Weapons Lab instead of Caleb.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> Of course she would.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> Christina yells after me, but to me
her voice sounds muffled, like I have submerged my head underwater. The details
of the halls are difficult to see, the world smearing together into dull
colors.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> When I reach her room, I look in.
All I can do is stand still—if I stand still I can pretend everything is all
right. That she isn’t dying right in front of me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> All I’m doing is standing still.
Helpless.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO –TOBIAS<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">As I sat
next to her bed, I remembered when her body first hit the net, all I registered
was a gray blur. I pulled her across it and her hand was small, but warm, and
then she stood before me, short and thin and plain and in all ways
unremarkable—except that she had jumped first. The Stiff had jumped first.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> Even I didn’t jump first.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> Her eyes were so stern, so
insistent.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> Beautiful.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE – TOBIAS<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">But that
wasn’t the first time I ever saw her. I saw her in the hallways at school, and
my mother’s false funeral, and walking the sidewalks in the Abnegation sector.
I saw her, but I didn’t see her; no one saw her the way she truly was until she
jumped.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> I suppose a fire that burns that
bright is not meant to last.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR –TOBIAS</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">I’ve been
with her for a week now. They say she gets better every day, but she’s a
fighter, I hoped she would. I’d be excited about her progress, but everyone has
warned me that when she’s finally awake, I might not have my Tris back.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> They don’t know what she’ll be like.
No one’s ever survived the death serum. Not to mention she was shot in the head,
and laid there dying while everyone was gassed. And I was nowhere near her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> I should have been there. I didn’t
feel right leaving her alone with this big of a task. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">I’m always right</span></i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">, I can hear her say.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> But this time she wasn’t. I’ve let
her down so many times because I wouldn’t listen to her. For trusting my own
instincts over my own.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> I was so worried about letting her
down again, that I ignored what I felt completely.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> And now she’s here. And it’s my
fault.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE –TOBIAS <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">I’m in a
daze. I haven’t slept, but I don’t feel tired. I try to keep busy, keep the
company of others, and am crippled by loneliness when I leave them. I feel like
I have lost everything. I watch everyone else recover from the memory serum
that altered them permanently. Those that are lost are gathered into groups and
given the truth: that human nature is complex, that all our genes are
different, but neither damaged nor pure, and Tris is a hero. They were also
given a lie: that their memories were erased because of a freak accident, and
that they were on the verge of lobbying the government for equality for GD’s.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> My hands shake as I stop by the
control room to watch the city on the screens. Johanna is arranging
transportation for those who want to leave the city. They will come here to
learn the truth. I don’t know what will happen to those who remain in Chicago,
and I’m not sure I care.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> I shove my hands into my pockets and
watch for a few minutes, then walk away again, trying to match my footsteps to
my heartbeat, or to avoid the cracks between the tiles. When I walk past the
entrance I see a small group of people gathered by the stone sculpture, one of
them in a wheelchair—Nita.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">I was
there for some of Uriah’s last breaths. Christina found me to let me know that
they were unplugging him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> We go to the observation window, my body
aching with each step. Evelyn is there—Amar picked her up in my stead, a few
days ago. She tries to touch my shoulder and I yank it away, not wanting to be
comforted. I don’t deserve it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> Inside the room, Zeke and Hana stand on either
side, holding his hands. I notice a doctor standing near the heart rate
monitor, extending a clipboard not to Hana or Zeke but to <i>David</i>. Sitting in his wheelchair. Hunched and dazed, like all the
others who have lost their memories.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “What is he doing here?” I feel like
all my muscles and bones and nerves are on fire.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “He’s still technically the leader
of the Bureau, at least until they replace him,” Cara says from behind me.
“Tobias, he doesn’t remember anything. The man you knew doesn’t exist anymore;
he’s as good as dead. <i>That </i>man
doesn’t remember shooting—“<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “Shut up!” I snap. David signs the
clipboard and turns around, pushing himself through the door. It opens and I
can’t stop myself—I lunge toward him, and only Evelyn’s wiry frame stops me
from wrapping my hands around his throat. He gives me a strange look and pushes
himself down the hallway as I press against my mother’s arm, which feels like a
bar across my shoulders.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“Tobias,”
Evelyn says. “Calm down.”<br />
“Why didn’t someone lock him
up?” I demand, my eyes to blurry to see out of.<br />
“Because he still works for
the government,” Cara says. “Just because they’ve declared it an unfortunate
accident doesn’t mean they’ve fired everyone. And the government isn’t going to
lock him up just because he shot a rebel under duress.”<br />
“A rebel,” I repeat. “That’s
all she is now?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“Of
course not,” Cara says softly. “She’s a hero now, but as far as everyone is
concerned now, it was an accident. Confusion. It was chaos around here. No one
knew who the good guys were.”<br />
I’m about to respond, but
Christina interrupts, “Guys, they’re doing it.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">In
Uriah’s room, Zeke and Hana join their free hands over Uriah’s body. I see
Hana’s lips moving, but I can’t tell what she’s saying—do the Dauntless have
prayers for the dying? The Abnegation react to death with silence and service,
not words. I find my anger ebbing away, and I’m lost in muffled grief again,
this time not just for Tris, but for Uriah, whose smile is burned into my
memory. My friend’s brother, and then my friends too, though not for long
enough to let his humor work its way into me, not for long enough.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The
doctor flips some switches, his clipboard clutched to his stomach, and the
machines stop breathing for Uriah. Zeke’s shoulders shake, and Hana squeezes
his hand tightly, until her knuckles go white.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Then
she says something, and her hands spring open, and she steps back from Uriah’s
body. Letting him go.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">I
move away from the window, walking at first, and then running, pushing my way
through the hallways, careless, blind, empty.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX –TRIS<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Bright
lights.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Am I
alive?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">My name
is Beatrice Prior…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">I know
nothing else.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">CHAPTER FIFTY-SEVEN –Tobias<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">I wake
up to Christina standing over me, eyes wild with excitement.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “Tris!” She’s pants. “She’s awake!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Before I
even realize it, I’m jumping out of my bed and take off running. When I reach
the hospital, I shove doctors out of my way and practically kick her door open.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> She stares at me. She’s there.
Awake.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> I don’t know what I expected, but it
wasn’t this.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> She looks the same, yet different.
She’s quiet and still. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> And she’s scared. She’s looking at
me like a stranger…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">She
doesn’t remember me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">CHAPTER
58 –Tobias <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Doctors
come running in and drag me out of her room.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “I tried to stop you… to tell you,”
he says calmly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “She doesn’t remember me, does she?
She never will…” I say. My face is getting hot, my eyes are burning. I can feel
my heart dropping.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> Breaking.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “We’ve kept her sedated because of
her wounds. We wouldn’t know anything about her memory until she woke up. When
we got to her she was very weak... not only did she fight off the death serum,
which is a miracle in itself, she was shot pretty severely in the head, it was
all just too much. I’m so—“<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “Sorry?” I say coldly. I turn and
walk out.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">After
all we have been through, she’s alive. She’s mine to have again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> But she’s gone. She’s not Tris.
She’s not the same. She never will be.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">I don’t
know if I can take this anymore. I’ve always been worried I’d lose her to
death. This is much worse. It sounds selfish, but I’d almost rather her be
dead. Just a memory for me to have forever.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> Now she’ll be around, alive. I’ll
know she’s here, so close to me, but I can never have her. I’ll always love
her. Even the Tris who she becomes without her memories.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> But will she love me?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE –TOBIAS<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The next
day I take a truck from the compound. The people there are still recovering
from their memory loss, so no one tries to stop me. I drive over the railroad
tracks toward the city, my eyes wandering over the skyline but not really
taking it in.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> When I reach the fields that
separate the city from the outside world, I press down on the accelerator. The
truck crushes dying grass and snow beneath its tired, and soon the ground turns
into pavement in the Abnegation sector, and I barely feel the passage of time.
The streets are all the same, but my hands and feet know where to go, even if
my mind doesn’t bother to guide them. I pull up to the house near the stop sign,
with the cracked front walk.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> My house.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> I walk through the front door and up
the stairs, still with that muffled feeling in my ears, like I am drifting far
away from the world. People talk about the pain of grief, but I don’t know what
they mean. To me, grief is a devastating numbness, every sensation dulled.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> I press my palm to the panel
covering the mirror upstairs, and push it aside. Though the light of sunset is
orange, creeping across the floor and illuminating my face from below, I have
never looked paler; the circles under my eyes have never been more pronounced.
I have spent the past few days somewhere between sleeping and waking, not quite
able to manage either extreme.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> I plug the hair clippers into the
outlet near the mirror. The right guard is already in place, so all I have to
do is run it though my hair, bending my ears down to protect them from the
blade, turning my head to check the back of my neck for places I might have
missed. The shorn hair falls on my feet and shoulders, itching whatever bare
skin it finds. I run my hand over my head to make sure it’s even, but I don’t
need to check, not really. I learned to do this myself when I was young.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> I spend a lot of time brushing it
from my shoulders and feet, then sweeping it into a dustpan. When I finish, I
stand in front of the mirror again, and I can see the edges of my tattoo, the
Dauntless flame.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> I take a vial of memory serum from
my pocket. I know that one vial will erase most of my life, but not all of it.
I will still know how to write, how to speak, how to put together a computer,
but I won’t remember <i>her</i>. Our
memories.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> The experiment is over. Johanna
successfully negotiated with the government—David’s superiors—to allow the
former faction members to stay in the city, provided they are self-sufficient,
submit to the government’s authority, and allow outsiders to come in and join
them, making Chicago just another metropolitan area, like Milwaukee. The
Bureau, once in charge of the experiment, will now keep order in Chicago’s city
limits.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> It will be the only metropolitan
area in the country governed by people who don’t believe in genetic damage. A
kind of paradise. Matthew told me he hopes people from the fringe will trickle
in to fill all the empty spaces, and find there a life more prosperous than the
one they left.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> All I want is to become someone new.
In this case, Tobias Johnson, son of Evelyn Johnson. Tobias Johnson may have
lived a dully and empty life, but he is at least a whole person, not this
fragment of a person that I am, too damaged by pain to become anything useful.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “Matthew told me you stole some of
the memory serum and a truck,” Says a voice at the end of the hallway.
Christina’s. “I have to say, I didn’t really believe him.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> I must not have heard her enter the
house through the muffle. Even her voice sounds like it is traveling through
water to reach my ears, and it takes me a few seconds to make sense of what she
says. When I do, I look at her and say, “Then why did you come, if you didn’t
believe him?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “Just in case,” she says, starting
towards me. “Plus I wanted to see the city one more time before it all changes.
Give me the vial Tobias.”<br />
“No.” I fold my fingers over
it to protect it from her. “This is my decision. Not yours.”<br />
Her dark eyes widen, and her
face is radiant with sunlight. It makes every strand of her thick, dark hair
gleam orange like it’s on fire.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “This is <i>not</i> your decision,” she says. “This is the decision of a coward,
and you’re a lot of things, Four, but not a coward. Never.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “Maybe I am now,” I answer
passively. “Things have changed. I’m all right with it.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “No you’re not.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> I feel so exhausted all I can do is
roll my eyes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “You can’t become a person she would
hate,” Christina says, quietly this time. “And she would’ve hated this.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> Anger stampedes through me, hot and
lively, and the muffled feeling around my ears falls away, making even this
quiet Abnegation street sounds loud. I shudder with the force of it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “Shut up!” I yell. “Shut up! You
don’t know what she would hate—no one does! Not even me! She’s not Tris
anymore! She’s just—“<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “I know she wouldn’t want you to
just erase her from your memory like she didn’t even matter to you! No one
would!”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> I lunge toward her, pinning her
shoulder to the wall, and lean closer to her face.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “If you <i>dare </i>suggest that again,” I say, “I’ll—“<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “You’ll what?” Christina shoves me
back, hard. “Hurt me? You know, there’s a word for big, strong men who attack
women, and it’s <i>coward.</i>”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> I remember my father’s screams
filling the house, and his hand around my mother’s throat, slamming her into
walls and doors. I remember watching from my doorway, my hand wrapped around
the door frame. And I remember hearing quiet sobs through her bedroom door, how
she locked it so I couldn’t get in.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> I step back and slump against the
wall, letting my body collapse into it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “I’m sorry.” I say.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “I know,” she answers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> We stand still for a few seconds, just
looking at each other. I remember hating her the first time I met her, because
she was a Candor, because words just dribbled out of her mouth unchecked,
careless. But over time she showed me who she really was, a forgiving friend,
faithful to the truth, brave enough to take action. I can’t help but like her
now, can’t help but see what Tris saw in her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “I know how it feels to want to
forget everything,” she says. “I also know how it feels to lose someone you
love for no reason, and want to trade all your memories of them for just a
moment’s peace.”<br />
She wraps her hand around
mine, which is wrapped around the vial.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “I didn’t know Will long,” she says,
“but he changed my life. He changed <i>me.</i>
And I know Tris changed you even more.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> The hard expression she wore a
moment ago melts away, and she touches my shoulders lightly.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “The person you became with her is
worth being,” she says. “If you swallow that serum, you’ll never be able to
find your way back to him.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> The tears come again, like when I
first learned how serious Tris’ condition was. This time, pain comes with them,
hot and sharp in my chest. I clutch the vial in my first, desperate for the
relief it offers, the protection from the pain of every memory clawing inside
me like an animal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> Christina puts her arms around my
shoulders, and her embrace only makes the pain worse, because it reminds me of
every time Tris’s thin arms slipped around me, uncertain at first but then
stronger, more confident, more sure of herself and of me. It reminds me that no
embrace will ever feel the same again, because no one will ever be like her
again, not even her. The Tris I know and love is gone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> Crying feels so useless, so stupid,
but it’s all I can do. Christina holds me upright and doesn’t say a word for a
long time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> Eventually I pull away, but her
hands stay on my shoulders, warm and rough with calluses. Maybe just as skin on
a hand grows tougher after pain in repetition, a person does too. But I don’t
want to become a calloused man.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> There are other kinds of people in
this world. There is the kind like Tris, who after suffering and betrayal,
could still find enough love to sacrifice her life instead of her brothers. The
kind like Caleb, confused and cowardly, but will come through in the end to
help someone he loves. The kind like Peter, evil and unable to change. Or the
kind like Cara, who could still forgive the person who shot her brother in the
head. Or Christina, who lost friend after friend but still decided to stay
open, to make new ones. Appearing in front of me is another choice, brighter
and stronger than the ones I gave myself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> My eyes opening, I offer the vial to
her. She takes it and pockets it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “I know Zeke’s still weird around
you,” she says slinging an arm across my shoulders. “But I can be your friend
in the meantime. We can even exchange bracelets if you want, like the Amity
girls used to.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “I don’t think that will be
necessary.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> We walk down the stairs and out to
the street together. The sun has slipped behind the buildings of Chicago, and
in the distance I hear a train rushing over the rails, but we are moving away
from this place and all that it has meant to us, and that is all right.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> There are so many ways to be brave
in this world. Sometimes bravery involves laying down your life for something
bigger than yourself, or for someone else. Sometimes it involves giving up
everything you have ever known, or everyone you have ever loved, for the sake
of something greater.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> But sometimes it doesn’t.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> Sometimes it is nothing more than
gritting your teeth through pain, and the work of every day, the slow walk
toward a better life.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> That is the sort of bravery I must
have now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">CHAPTER SIXTY –TRIS<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">It’s
strange, being told about your own life They say that boy—that man—that came
bursting into my room when I first woke up was my boyfriend once. Tobias? I
think his name was.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> Handsome.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">I
would say it was some sick joke they were playing on me, but the way he looked
at me, the hurt in his eyes, told me they weren’t lying. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">I
guess I was a very brave and selfless person. Everyone, strangers, keeps
praising me as some sort of hero, but I don’t know why. I <i>was</i> a hero. But I that’s not who I am anymore.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> I don’t know who I am.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">CHAPTER SIXTY-ONE
–TRIS<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Tobias
keeps coming by to see me. Though he never comes in. I don’t know what this
feeling is, but when I look at him, I remember. Not events or details, but
emotions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> Wanting. Anger. Sadness. Joy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> Love.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> I have no doubt he loves me. And I
know I loved him too, I can feel it. But could I love him again? He’s a
stranger. Though sometimes the way he looks at me, I know he’s seen more of me
than anyone.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> I want to love him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> I want him to be happy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">I
ask for him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">CHAPTER SIXTY-TWO –TOBIAS<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Tris
asked for me yesterday. I didn’t go. Walking by her room is torture enough, but
actually going in to talk to her? I can’t do it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">But
I do.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">She’s
waiting for me when I get there.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “I didn’t think you’d come.” She
says.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “I wasn’t going to. But it didn’t
feel right, just leaving you.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “I want to tell you something…”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> She stares at her hands. It’s funny.
She may be a totally different person, but I can still read her emotions. She
doesn’t look confused or sad. She looks, embarrassed and uncomfortable.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “Sometimes when you look at me… I
can tell that we’ve… been intimate. You’ve seen more of me than anyone. I can
feel that,” her cheeks flush red with embarrassment, “I don’t remember you.” Her
words cut through me. It stings. Bad. “But when I see you, I get… emotional.
All of these feelings flood my thoughts. The strongest of them being love. I’m
telling you this because I want you to be happy. I loved you once, I’m sure of
it,” she continues.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> Is she going to try and love me
again? Do I want her to?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “But I don’t… know you. And you
don’t know me. I don’t know if I can love you like before. I don’t know if I
can love you the way you want me to.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> I can feel my heart exploding. My
eyes are watering. I’m speechless. She’s just staring at me now, as if she
didn’t just rip my whole world apart. All of my memories of us come crashing
back. I let her in. I took her through my fear landscape. She helped me get
through all of it. How could I possibly live without her? She helped me
overcome some of my greatest fears. She knows my deepest secrets. I was able to
share my pain with her, and it felt amazing not having to carry that weight
alone anymore. And now it’s all back, on me, alone. Crushing me. Suffocating
me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> She’s still just sitting there.
Waiting. Waiting for me to react. I want to leave, but I can’t. I start to get
up, but there’s one more thing I need to do. I cannot just leave without it, at
least, I hope I don’t have to.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “I know you don’t remember anything.
About before, about me. Every time I thought I had lost you, all I wanted was
one more kiss. To wrap you in my arms one last time. And now that I am losing
you, it’s still all I want.” I know she understands what I am asking. But she
takes her time thinking about it. I can tell she doesn’t want me to. It was a
selfish thing to ask. But it’s what I need.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> She can tell I’m collapsing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> She raises her hand, waving me
towards her.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">I walk
toward her, awkwardly, timidly. It’s weird knowing everything about someone,
knowing them so intimately, but having them look at you like you are a
stranger. This is my last moment with her, ever. I’m next to the bed and I lean
toward her, looking deep into those eyes that I’ve stared into for so long.
Savoring every moment. Wishing it could last forever. I slide my hand toward
the side of her face, brushing a piece of her hair away as I have done so many
times before, so familiar but so new. We close our eyes, and I kiss her one
last time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">CHAPTER 63 –Tris<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">I didn’t
want to say yes, but I felt I owed it to him, for him to be happy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">His lips
meet mine. My head starts racing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Trains. Net. Blue eyes. Strong
hand. Pain.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Desire. Ferris Wheel. Fear.
Secrets. War.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Serums. Fence. Bureau.
Experiments. Intimacy.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">CHAPTER
64 –Tobias<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">I’m
about to pull away from my past, present, and future with Tris when she wraps
her arms around my neck and pulls me in deeper. And for a moment, it’s as if
the real Tris is here with me. Kissing me as she often did when we had been
separated, fighting for each other, for us.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> I don’t know what is happening. I
don’t know why she is doing this. But I never want it to stop.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">She
pulls away, holding my face between her hands grinning from ear to ear.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"> “I’ve missed kissing you… Four.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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